He was shaking his head, mostly unaware of the action, denying her words as she spoke them. "It's not that." He looked up at her briefly, then his eyes dropped back to the floor. How he could ever be sorry for that? It was a singular moment in his life, one he would never forget and never, ever regret. His first kiss, and it was beautiful.
No, that wasn't the problem at all. The problem was that he'd spent too much time before then thinking about her, wondering what she thought of him, and little by little without his realization or even his permission, his feelings for her had grown beyond friendship, transformed into something more. He wasn't ready to put a label on them, not yet. And really, what was he even doing? He wasn't human. His human body was an affectation at best, and certainly not who he really was. He was artificial, with emotions that were as synthetic as the mind who possessed them. He'd never spent any significant amount of time considering human females, other than as a mental exercise, trying to figure out what drew Michael to them like a moth to a flame. He'd simply never been interested. So why was he now? What had changed? Just because he now had possession of a fake human body? Was it really affecting his patterns of thinking so much that even the AI was being modified? Ruri. What on Earth was she doing to him? This was crazy. It wasn't right. Couldn't possibly be right.
Was it right?
The kiss had far exceeded anything he could have imagined - and since when was he imagining kissing anyone? No, not just anyone. Ruri. And more often than he cared to admit. But now that he had, he wanted more. What right did he have? Well, the good thing at least was that all of this thinking and uncertainty seemed to have cooled his ardor somewhat. He was still half-hard, but no longer aching. So long as he made sure not to touch her again, he should be okay. A cold shower and some time alone, yes. And dear gods, he needed to not remember what it had felt like to hold her. To kiss her. To... she was coming closer to him. His hands were still in the air, and he was determined to keep them there so he couldn't do anything stupid with them, like holding her. He watched her warily as she approached, feeling like a cornered animal.
Wait, what? What was she saying? Her words were breaking through his defenses, to the point where he could practically hear them crumbling around him.
"... You don't want to stop." He cocked his head to the side, still eyeing her. Had he stopped breathing? "I. I want to be with you too, Ruri." For such a long time now. Had he passed out? Was he dreaming this? He did feel lightheaded... For as long as he'd have her? What did that mean? Did she really think he might not want her? That he'd discard her like some old shoes? "Ruri, what does that even mean, 'for as long as I'll have you'? You don't just throw people away, especially if you lo-" His breath caught in his throat. "Care for them."
He finally lowered his hands, but his body was still tense, still battling that fight or flight instinct that he had no rights to in the first place. He licked his lips, his head half-turned, because it was easier to look at her if half his face was shielded, hidden from her gaze.
"I want to be with you." He let out a breath, feeling as though his last had been hours ago. He was making an admission of his own, and it felt momentous, overwhelming. "For as long as you'll have me." Now he turned back to watch her, because he needed to see her face, to see her eyes. Hiding was all well and good, but it also made it difficult to see who he was hiding from.
"And I. I don't want to stop, either." He could have now, as he was physically feeling back in control of himself. But that didn't mean he wanted to leave it that way, because as scary as it had been, it had also been exciting, giving in to that reckless abandon for the too-brief moments of their kiss. "Ruri, I've never done this before. I've never." He dropped his eyes again, but with an effort made himself look at her once more. "Never been like this with anyone before." He was back to holding his breath, wondering what she might think of him now.
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No, that wasn't the problem at all. The problem was that he'd spent too much time before then thinking about her, wondering what she thought of him, and little by little without his realization or even his permission, his feelings for her had grown beyond friendship, transformed into something more. He wasn't ready to put a label on them, not yet. And really, what was he even doing? He wasn't human. His human body was an affectation at best, and certainly not who he really was. He was artificial, with emotions that were as synthetic as the mind who possessed them. He'd never spent any significant amount of time considering human females, other than as a mental exercise, trying to figure out what drew Michael to them like a moth to a flame. He'd simply never been interested. So why was he now? What had changed? Just because he now had possession of a fake human body? Was it really affecting his patterns of thinking so much that even the AI was being modified? Ruri. What on Earth was she doing to him? This was crazy. It wasn't right. Couldn't possibly be right.
Was it right?
The kiss had far exceeded anything he could have imagined - and since when was he imagining kissing anyone? No, not just anyone. Ruri. And more often than he cared to admit. But now that he had, he wanted more. What right did he have? Well, the good thing at least was that all of this thinking and uncertainty seemed to have cooled his ardor somewhat. He was still half-hard, but no longer aching. So long as he made sure not to touch her again, he should be okay. A cold shower and some time alone, yes. And dear gods, he needed to not remember what it had felt like to hold her. To kiss her. To... she was coming closer to him. His hands were still in the air, and he was determined to keep them there so he couldn't do anything stupid with them, like holding her. He watched her warily as she approached, feeling like a cornered animal.
Wait, what? What was she saying? Her words were breaking through his defenses, to the point where he could practically hear them crumbling around him.
"... You don't want to stop." He cocked his head to the side, still eyeing her. Had he stopped breathing? "I. I want to be with you too, Ruri." For such a long time now. Had he passed out? Was he dreaming this? He did feel lightheaded... For as long as he'd have her? What did that mean? Did she really think he might not want her? That he'd discard her like some old shoes? "Ruri, what does that even mean, 'for as long as I'll have you'? You don't just throw people away, especially if you lo-" His breath caught in his throat. "Care for them."
He finally lowered his hands, but his body was still tense, still battling that fight or flight instinct that he had no rights to in the first place. He licked his lips, his head half-turned, because it was easier to look at her if half his face was shielded, hidden from her gaze.
"I want to be with you." He let out a breath, feeling as though his last had been hours ago. He was making an admission of his own, and it felt momentous, overwhelming. "For as long as you'll have me." Now he turned back to watch her, because he needed to see her face, to see her eyes. Hiding was all well and good, but it also made it difficult to see who he was hiding from.
"And I. I don't want to stop, either." He could have now, as he was physically feeling back in control of himself. But that didn't mean he wanted to leave it that way, because as scary as it had been, it had also been exciting, giving in to that reckless abandon for the too-brief moments of their kiss. "Ruri, I've never done this before. I've never." He dropped his eyes again, but with an effort made himself look at her once more. "Never been like this with anyone before." He was back to holding his breath, wondering what she might think of him now.