No, that was different. What she was describing was lovemaking. In Kitt's mind, they were two very different things. Sending her out to have sex with someone would be just that - sex. No feelings, except for attraction and lust. He'd seen it plenty of times, he knew how it worked. Michael had only become monogamous once Stevie had come back into his life - and when she'd gone again, he was right back to his philandering ways. It was how humans behaved. It was how his human behaved - and he'd been programmed specifically for that one human. Everything he knew about humanity had been learned at his feet. Admittedly, Darnell had been very different; he hadn't once seen Darnell chase any skirts, or any trousers, for that matter. But KITT was not programmed for Darnell. He'd accepted him, become friends with him. But... His head was spinning again. Too much conflicting information. What was the answer here? What was he supposed to do? What would Michael do? He suddenly wished that Michael was here; he could have stepped easily into Kitt's shoes and taken over. But here he was alone, and he had to make these decisions for himself.
No, wait. These were Ruri's decisions too, weren't they?
It occurred to him that all the while he was thinking these things he was still occupied with kissing her. Where had he left off with paying attention to her? And in kissing her, just like that, his little - no, not little - friend was back. This was awful, this whole thing. She wouldn't do what he wanted her to do - what was she saying? He had pulled back to listen to her without even realizing it.
"It's not that they're interchangeable, no. I don't feel this way for anyone else, if that's what you're asking. But I've seen enough to know that it's... Michael had a different woman on his arm every week. He slept with most of them, I know, I was there. It never bothered him, and it never seemed to bother any of the women. They knew what they were getting into. It was just sex. It didn't have any meaning behind it. That's not what I want with you, Ruri. I want more than that. But I don't want to hurt you, because of what I do want with you. I don't want to push you away - I just don't want you to be hurt." He wasn't entirely sure why she didn't understand this. "I was programmed to help people, not to harm them. You mean too much to me."
But she was still being stubbornly insistent. And some of what she was saying made sense. "No, not everyone is the same, but." His voice dropped again, wavered on his next words. "If I look at you, and I see you're in pain, it's not something I'll ever forget." It would be etched permanently into his memory. "How can that be fine?" It wasn't that he was treating it lightly; on the contrary, he'd spent quite some time analyzing this subject from many different perspectives.
He swallowed hard at her pronouncement, unsure of what to say, or how to convince her that she was making a mistake. Perhaps if he went out and sought some experience...? But his heart twisted in his chest at the thought of being with anyone else. Was that - was that how Ruri felt of what he was asking her? Could she really be all right with him hurting her?
His voice, when he found it again, was soft, uncertain.
"I have never had the opportunity to choose someone for myself. I was programmed for Michael, and learned how to be who I am from him. When he was injured, I was assigned to Darnell. There was never any input as to what I wanted, what I would choose. But now - I choose you, Ruri. If you will have me. I don't want anyone else." He paused, bringing his arms down so that his fingers could now curl around hers, holding them to his chest. He caught her gaze again, held it there. "I will do my very best not to hurt you." Still holding her hands to him, he leaned in to kiss her again, needing the reassurance of her lips on his.
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No, wait. These were Ruri's decisions too, weren't they?
It occurred to him that all the while he was thinking these things he was still occupied with kissing her. Where had he left off with paying attention to her? And in kissing her, just like that, his little - no, not little - friend was back. This was awful, this whole thing. She wouldn't do what he wanted her to do - what was she saying? He had pulled back to listen to her without even realizing it.
"It's not that they're interchangeable, no. I don't feel this way for anyone else, if that's what you're asking. But I've seen enough to know that it's... Michael had a different woman on his arm every week. He slept with most of them, I know, I was there. It never bothered him, and it never seemed to bother any of the women. They knew what they were getting into. It was just sex. It didn't have any meaning behind it. That's not what I want with you, Ruri. I want more than that. But I don't want to hurt you, because of what I do want with you. I don't want to push you away - I just don't want you to be hurt." He wasn't entirely sure why she didn't understand this. "I was programmed to help people, not to harm them. You mean too much to me."
But she was still being stubbornly insistent. And some of what she was saying made sense. "No, not everyone is the same, but." His voice dropped again, wavered on his next words. "If I look at you, and I see you're in pain, it's not something I'll ever forget." It would be etched permanently into his memory. "How can that be fine?" It wasn't that he was treating it lightly; on the contrary, he'd spent quite some time analyzing this subject from many different perspectives.
He swallowed hard at her pronouncement, unsure of what to say, or how to convince her that she was making a mistake. Perhaps if he went out and sought some experience...? But his heart twisted in his chest at the thought of being with anyone else. Was that - was that how Ruri felt of what he was asking her? Could she really be all right with him hurting her?
His voice, when he found it again, was soft, uncertain.
"I have never had the opportunity to choose someone for myself. I was programmed for Michael, and learned how to be who I am from him. When he was injured, I was assigned to Darnell. There was never any input as to what I wanted, what I would choose. But now - I choose you, Ruri. If you will have me. I don't want anyone else." He paused, bringing his arms down so that his fingers could now curl around hers, holding them to his chest. He caught her gaze again, held it there. "I will do my very best not to hurt you." Still holding her hands to him, he leaned in to kiss her again, needing the reassurance of her lips on his.