He knew what he was doing - he was trying to distract her from continuing this conversation. Not that he knew what to do with that distraction, because it was all tied in to what they were discussing. He shook his head to clear it when she broke the kiss, but he was glad that she still held him close. It was important, that closeness. He had been needing it, and that was a recent realization for him. What else did he need?
He found himself nodding along as she spoke, looking down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes, soft 'I know's' whispered under his breath at each of her points. Of course she was right, what she did with her life was entirely up to her. He had only meant to guide her into doing what he thought might be best. Obviously she didn't see things his way. It wasn't wrong, or bad, but it dismayed him. For all of his life, his only power was that of persuasion, trying to help the humans around him to make decisions that he hoped were for the best. He could cajole or sometimes even coerce, but he could never, ever demand. That wasn't the nature of his programming. He was designed to serve humans, to protect them, sometimes from themselves, but he could never override a human's order once their decision had been made. Such was the case with Ruri now. He felt that she was making a mistake, but if her mind was made up? He didn't have the right to say otherwise. Humans! This was all beginning to give him a headache.
Her words were seeping in, wrapping around his mind, becoming a part of him. She wanted him. No one else. She didn't want him to be with anyone else. Only him. And then thinking about her with someone else?
He brought his hand up to his temple, squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden bright, sharp pain that had bloomed there. Her words were penetrating, burrowing in, settling there, causing him to stagger back with his hands now clutching his head. She chose him. And he'd chosen her. And even the human part of him understood those implications, tried to fight against the reprogramming, if only out of fear of the unknown, of taking a great leap without any sort of knowledge of where he'd fall. The driver imperative, subdued for so long, suddenly roared into life, reminding him - demanding that he remember who he was programmed for, and for what purpose. And for the very first time in his life, he was fighting back, pushing back against it, forcing his own will upon it. His choices. His decisions. He was on his knees on the floor now, exhausted from the battle that had taken place entirely in his mind.
And he was free. He blinked a few times, shaking his head, shaking away the remnants of that particular bit of programming that had muzzled him for so long. His decision, the person he wanted to be with now, the person he had chosen, and now no longer bound to Michael by programming but instead by the fondness of love for a man who had become his best friend, but not the person he wished to spend his life with. The person he loved.
He looked up cautiously at Ruri from his position on the floor, feeling terrible tears pricking at the corners of his eyes when he really thought about that last question she'd posed to him.
"I... Heartbroken." He was unconsciously curling his fist into his chest, emphasizing the point. The thought of this woman sharing the most intimate parts of herself, physically, emotionally, with anyone else, brought him to a black and utter despair.
no subject
He found himself nodding along as she spoke, looking down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes, soft 'I know's' whispered under his breath at each of her points. Of course she was right, what she did with her life was entirely up to her. He had only meant to guide her into doing what he thought might be best. Obviously she didn't see things his way. It wasn't wrong, or bad, but it dismayed him. For all of his life, his only power was that of persuasion, trying to help the humans around him to make decisions that he hoped were for the best. He could cajole or sometimes even coerce, but he could never, ever demand. That wasn't the nature of his programming. He was designed to serve humans, to protect them, sometimes from themselves, but he could never override a human's order once their decision had been made. Such was the case with Ruri now. He felt that she was making a mistake, but if her mind was made up? He didn't have the right to say otherwise. Humans! This was all beginning to give him a headache.
Her words were seeping in, wrapping around his mind, becoming a part of him. She wanted him. No one else. She didn't want him to be with anyone else. Only him. And then thinking about her with someone else?
He brought his hand up to his temple, squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden bright, sharp pain that had bloomed there. Her words were penetrating, burrowing in, settling there, causing him to stagger back with his hands now clutching his head. She chose him. And he'd chosen her. And even the human part of him understood those implications, tried to fight against the reprogramming, if only out of fear of the unknown, of taking a great leap without any sort of knowledge of where he'd fall. The driver imperative, subdued for so long, suddenly roared into life, reminding him - demanding that he remember who he was programmed for, and for what purpose. And for the very first time in his life, he was fighting back, pushing back against it, forcing his own will upon it. His choices. His decisions. He was on his knees on the floor now, exhausted from the battle that had taken place entirely in his mind.
And he was free. He blinked a few times, shaking his head, shaking away the remnants of that particular bit of programming that had muzzled him for so long. His decision, the person he wanted to be with now, the person he had chosen, and now no longer bound to Michael by programming but instead by the fondness of love for a man who had become his best friend, but not the person he wished to spend his life with. The person he loved.
He looked up cautiously at Ruri from his position on the floor, feeling terrible tears pricking at the corners of his eyes when he really thought about that last question she'd posed to him.
"I... Heartbroken." He was unconsciously curling his fist into his chest, emphasizing the point. The thought of this woman sharing the most intimate parts of herself, physically, emotionally, with anyone else, brought him to a black and utter despair.